Toxic Parenting Habits You Should Stop Doing Today
Many parents don’t realize that some of the habits they are teaching their children are toxic. They were raised that way and the habits just come from generations ago. People use the same pronunciation of certain words in families as well. For instance, one phrase is “at all” and it passes down as “at all”, or “wash the clothes was “Worsh the clothes”. It depends on the dialect of the ancestors of our parents and which part of the country they live in. The lower half of a state might have a completely different way of sounding out words than the upper part of the state where there are more rural areas. Some people talk with a melodic sound when they are speaking compared to those that live in Brooklyn. A person doesn’t realize this unless they have lived and traveled in all different parts of America and other countries as well. There are many other toxic habits that parents teach their children and here are some of them.
Toxic parenting creates abusive adults and can set a cycle that is hard to break
Many parents have heard the words from their children that they never wanted to see them again. It’s like sentencing your relationship with your child to death. This can be a long period of years or may be permanent if something isn’t changed. This may be a very healthy choice for the child, but it’s very hard on the parents and can be heartbreaking. No one knows if there ever will be a period of reconciliation and parents worry they will never see their children again or worse yet, something might happen to them. Parents are not perfect and all make mistakes, and there is a huge difference with screwing up and not providing a healthy childhood and damaging your child forever. Parents want to do the right thing, but many times mental illness is not brought to the forefront because parents either don’t know or understand what is going on. They have been left to fend for themselves. Substance abuse starts and can have a lifelong impact on your child. This is what you can try and do.
Be determined to correct the relationship you have with your child
Parents, it doesn’t hurt to be the bigger person because after all, you are the parents and are supposed to set the example. Quit being stubborn and don’t expect your child to come running to you after a blowout, go to them and tell them you want to work things out and communicate better. Even if you are right, you don’t want to alienate your child more. Use good judgment and use determination not to always be right but to fix the communication gap between both of you. Kids don’t care about who won or lost the battle, they just want to feel good about themselves in a positive way.
Don’t label your child to excuse bad parenting
Don’t blame your child for having a disorder to excuse your own bad parenting behavioral issues. This will only cause your child problems when they hit adulthood. Don’t blame bad genes or your significant other either in front of your child for bad behavior. If your child is actually diagnosed with a disorder, it’s one thing to try and understand and not blame but don’t mask your failure as a parent as push it on your child.
Don’t get involved in their drama
If your child is suffering from something that happened to them in life, focus on your child and not on yourself and keep the focus there. Parents have feelings too but sometimes it is best to keep them to yourself if your child is having a meltdown with a personal relationship. Don’t push your emotions on your child and play victim along with them, or you are confusing them by making it all about you.
Make sure you know the difference between being critical and correcting behavior
All kids need a good role model to do the right things in life and these habits don’t come naturally for many. These are learned behaviors. So guide your children and don’t keep criticizing even if your parents criticized you. Don’t call them names and remember you have to teach your child how to study and have a good work ethic. Create challenges and help them set goals because this is what motivates them to try harder. Insulting them makes them unsure of themselves and then they look for love in the wrong places from low self-esteem. You don’t want a weak child by criticizing, you want to create a strong child by using correcting.
Control impulsive behavior
Parents all get upset and holler, especially when kids push buttons or are being loud and rude. This is when we feel disrespected and get upset so parents hit back with tough words, hard punishment or even hitting. Learn how to keep your control because you lost if you lose control. If you work on controlling your own behavior, your child will become more calm and happy. You are only going to regret your behavior later if you resort to physical abuse and harsh words. Kids don’t forget those instances either.
Kids are vulnerable
Parents forget about their child’s vulnerability because they always appear so resilient. They cry one minute and don’t the next because their moods change quickly. They hide pain and they can change because of this because they don’t understand how to wrap their heads around it. Eventually, a crisis comes and they are in therapy for years. Your kids won’t tell you that they feel differently about you or when they lost that respect they had. They might not even know it or understand it themselves but they have their own breaking points and when they become adults and find the right way, they might realize they grew up the wrong way.
Take care of yourself
Parents don’t realize that the worst stress with the family always has to happen when they are overtired, stressed out and had a bad day from their own life. It’s good to take care of yourself and get plenty to eat, eat healthy, sleep well, exercise and hire a sitter if you need some me time. Getting away makes life healthier and helps you regain your composure and gives you a boost to deal with the daily stress having a family causes. This also helps you stop and think about not resenting your kids because you sacrificed a new car for their tuition. Resenting children is the start for feeling contempt towards them and you certainly don’t want to feel that way.